I am a hairy beast. I tell you this not because I’m proud (although I’m not ashamed), but rather to place context around my use of razor blades. And now I’m going to talk to you about Venus. I was introduced to it in 2002, and I’ve been a devoted fan ever since. The resulting shave seems to last a lot longer that whatever the short Gillette green razor that I used, leaving me smooth except for all the strips on my legs that I inevitably miss), and I just lather up with bodywash on a puff before I shave. Plus, it has the added bonus of being impossible to cut yourself with when you’re trying to, which is handy if you have bouts of depression.

There are (thereoretically) four types of Venus razor blades out there, and they’re all excellent – EXCEPT for the Venus Breeze. It is stupid and ridiculous and dumb, no matter what the spin might say.

If you want the easiest shave around, try Venus Breeze.  For radiant skin, check out Venus Vibrance.  If you want intensively smooth skin,  Venus Divine is the way to go.  For the Goddess who’s looking for simplicity on the go, your choice should be Venus disposables.  And finally, if you love the original razor, Venus original is the perfect razor for you.

And if you believe that, you’re the type of sucker who probably bought one of each razor because they’re different colours, so they must be different, right? But back to bitching about the Breeze. This is the razor that has a great big block of soap around the blade, which keep the blade from connecting with your skin, so you have to push down hard, and you’re much more likely to nick yourself. It’s the most expensive blade of them all, and you only get three razors in the packet, instead of the usual four. What the? Why would anyone want this? The shave is much less smooth. Oh, and while I’m complaining about price, look at the prices for the three other kinds of blade at Foodtown. Can anyone tell me if there’s actually any difference in their performance? And does having your razor vibrate really do anything other than give you a quick thrill in the morning?