Live-blogging ANTM… again

March 5th, 2010 by johubris Leave a reply »

So, Lisa and I did it again. Under the cut.


me: hey sugarplum

ARE YOU RREEEEEEEEEEEADY?
7:24 PM
da dung da dung dung

Vitamin Pony: kia ora

i think we should live blog two and a half men instead

they should change his name to LOLlie sheen
7:25 PM
cuz he brings the LOLs

the weather is turnning to poop before m very eyes
7:26 PM
me: mmmm shitshowers!

Vitamin Pony: a down poooooo-ur
7:27 PM
me: you’re disgusting

Vitamin Pony: thankks

loren is SO annoying
7:28 PM
and her dad looks like michael hill jeweller

and i hate brooke

and i hate sophie

me: i hadn’t seen it like all week before tonight

i don’t think i have missed much

Vitamin Pony: nah same old story
7:31 PM
me: right

let’s DO THIS
7:32 PM
Vitamin Pony: but shorty is still on!

me: Wow, that covergirl mascara looks LUMPY

Vitamin Pony: i’m hoping morgan will come stumbling out of the bushes

me: I never noticed the shots of Ty Ty wearing a producer’s headpiece before

she’s SO involved

These opening credit photos ar seriously BAD
7:33 PM
as is the pink plaid hummer

Vitamin Pony: ok i’m with you now…

me: how are reality show contestants going to get around now that Hummer’s gone out of business?
7:34 PM
Vitamin Pony: i thought models were SUPPOSED to look like beautiful corpses?

the modeling industry is CONFUSING

me: Burns Girl has no confidence because her hair is TERRIBLE now

I wish I could rock a headscarf like a black girl

Vitamin Pony: mind your Ps and Qs?

penises and queens?
7:35 PM
me: Oh, Natalie has previous modelling experience – she’s the rich one, right?

Vitamin Pony: yeah but she’s only 90210 rich

me: so Daddy bought her a contract?

Vitamin Pony: i enjoy alison

me: God Allison looked so much better dark

and not all Taylor Momemson-ish
7:36 PM
Why’d they need a Little J with a Miss J and a Mr J anyway?

Vitamin Pony: jesuslover69 looks so much like young madonna

OPRAH!

me: I love Miss J as Charmschool

She’s more Monique than Sharon Osbourne

Vitamin Pony: legs aint as hairy though

me: ugh, twinsuits and pearls and khakis

Vitamin Pony: ooh i want a cup of tea

me: why oh why?
7:37 PM
Vitamin Pony: miss j looks like the original vivian banks

me: omg totally

I wonder if he can sing as well

Damn, Kourtnie got RACK
7:38 PM
Tahlia looks like she’s limping

Vitamin Pony: hey jo

me: yeah L?

Vitamin Pony: miss j is a tall skinny man with no chin, big nose and … bisexual tendancies…

me: hahahahahah

true true

I’d hit that
7:39 PM
Vitamin Pony: you’d be a fool not to

me: exactly

Vitamin Pony: aww look it’s fo

me: Miss J and Mr J, front and back?

Vitamin Pony: or as i call her faux kat

EWWW BIANCA

i hate bianca

me: Was Bianca the one with the granola bars?

Vitamin Pony: no that was bree
7:40 PM
me: Was Bianca the one that got into a fight with Nicky Blonski?

Vitamin Pony: bianca was the one who told tootie that she was borderline plus size

yes that’s her.

me: You know everything!

Vitamin Pony: i know.

i’m awesome.

me: London don’t preach

OMG CARLTON DANCE

Vitamin Pony: ok, jesus street preacher looks like nicolas cage

that was a TERRIBLE carlton dance

me: YOU LOVE THE CARLTON DANCE!
7:41 PM
I’m glad that they know of it though

Vitamin Pony: as a carlton dance aficionado, i call shenanigans.

tyra banks KNOWS carlton

remember when she was a serious actress?

me: Was Ty Ty ever on the fresh prince?

Vitamin Pony: yeah!!
7:42 PM
she was will’s friend who worked at the university

me: ahhh

i mostly just remember the very Special episode

Vitamin Pony: she was all tomboyish but FIERCE

me: when Will went out with Queen Latifah

eventually

even though she was a FATTY

and then never seen again

i wonder if he killed her

Vitamin Pony: like the one where ashley and carlton experimented with their sexualities

me: and buried her body in the basement
7:43 PM
Vitamin Pony: sione’s wedding

my friend’s fiance is in that

there’s my fun commercial comment

me: all I can think about is ways to surprise children

and that’s not good
7:44 PM
Vitamin Pony: lady gaga. DO NOT WANT

me: I like Lady Gaga

Do you think anyone will read this whole thing?

Vitamin Pony: nah

me: Perhaps we should sneak a secret codeword in

to test people

Vitamin Pony: say something scandalous

FELCHING

me: hehehe

oh, I know
7:45 PM
sometimes I buy NW even if there’s a weight issue on the cover

which I always swore I’d never do

shoosh, don’t tell though

Vitamin Pony: not buying tabloid magazines was my 2009 new years resolution

i haven’t bought once since 2008

me: you did well at it

Vitamin Pony: one, not once
7:46 PM
me: I broke all my resolutions, except to try red lipstick

and I have yet to rollerskate this year

so I’m not doing very well

Vitamin Pony: just do it

NIKE

swoosh

me: And we’re back

Redoing makovers
7:47 PM
she still looks dreadfu

Vitamin Pony: i don’t see the difference in her re-weave

me: half bald

Jill Stuart looks like Sally Field crossed with Jersey Shore
7:48 PM
Vitamin Pony: walking with BAG

S

me: runway ettiquette!

this is going to go bad

I love how spooked Alison always looks

Vitamin Pony: ugh

anne shoket is the worst
7:49 PM
me: worse than Paulina Poriskova?

Vitamin Pony: i have a soft spot for paulina

she was my cousins’ fav model in the 80s

me: Celia looks good on the runway, but a bit too zigzaggywalky

Vitamin Pony: plus she knows tom selleck

me: like Tracey on Shortland Street
7:50 PM
Vitamin Pony: tracey from shorties knows tom selleck!??!?!

me: Oh, Miss J does not like Natalie, unlike Jill Stuart

Vitamin Pony: awesome

me: Tahlia’s hair is DREADFUL

I hate hair lighter than skin

unless it’s absolutly platinum

Vitamin Pony: nijah looks like. one of the earlier cycle girls…

me: haaha Miss J’s face at Nijah is AWESOME

Vitamin Pony: the one who they said got too fat at the end
7:51 PM
and they had to airbrush out her stomach

naww allison.

nice see thru harem pants.

me: hah, that’s just what I was going to say!

Vitamin Pony: go fauxkat!

me: Fo-kat was good!
7:52 PM
Vitamin Pony: do you think fauxkat knows davekat?

me: the dress for the FATTY was bad though

you shut up about Davekat

stay on topic

Vitamin Pony: I WONT

allison was cute and quirky

me: Those shoes are way too clumpy for delicate clothes like they’re wearing

Vitamin Pony: thats… a description…
7:53 PM
MY walk was a little bit weak? well your FACE has a BEAK.. hahaha lols

me: Tahlia looks like, the white chick

Vitamin Pony: from white chicks

me: or whatever that Wayons brother movie was

Vitamin Pony: THEY JUST SAID PRETTY PRETTY PRETTY!

OMG SHOUT OUT

me: SHOUT OUTS!

Vitamin Pony: believe me natalie
7:54 PM
listen natalie

…. no twirling

yet, they enforce twirling

MODELING IS CONFUSING

me: don’t bother your pretty head about it dear

Vitamin Pony: oh my god, like, oh my god.
7:55 PM
me: how can tahlia’s roots be showing so bad already?

Vitamin Pony: ad break. cup of tea bruce?

maybe it’s fashion?

me: also, she’s obviously not going to get kicked off this week

since she said she should go home

your turn to tell a secret

to see if people are paying attention

Vitamin Pony: ok…
7:56 PM
i know all the lyrics to “it’s gonna be me” by nsync

and i know why they’re called n’sync

me: why?

Vitamin Pony: justiNNNNNN

chriSSSSSSS
7:57 PM
joeYYYYYYYY

lanceNNNNNNNNNNN (that one was like calling frida anifrida to make ABBA work)

jCCCCCCCCC

me: i can’t believe I thought JC was going to be the breakout star

Vitamin Pony: like a PIMPLE

AMMA RIGHT?!

me: hehehe you are a funny
7:59 PM
I’m glad we get the requisite shot of Tahlia’s scars to remind us she is a BURN VICTIM
8:00 PM
Did you know that as models it is your job to tell a story?
8:01 PM
The photographer is Mike Rosenthal? Do they mean Mike Rosengrave? (http://mlr.co.nz/)

Vitamin Pony: i just spilled soda stream on the kitchen floor
8:02 PM
me: They look EXACTLY like wallstreet brokers

Vitamin Pony: unrelated but it ws upsetting

me: except for the part whhere they don’t even at all

I love Fo talking and making banter

Vitamin Pony: when i thiink wall street…i think “CUTE”

me: Oh, artists in So Ho

no fucking artists can afford to live in So Ho

they’re all in Brooklyn, fools
8:03 PM
Vitamin Pony: kourtnie looks haggard

me: Don’t they watch Gossip Girl?

Vitamin Pony: i hate sandra

but i enjoy celia

me: I kind of want Celia’s petticoat though

Vitamin Pony: take it

just take it
8:04 PM
swoosh

upper east side.. like.. that chick….

the girl

in this show

me: omg Taylor looks even more like Little J

Vitamin Pony: what’s her name?

who is taylor?

who is little j?

me: Allison

Vitamin Pony: i’m confused

oh. oh i see.

me: Allison looks like Taylor Momsemsoms

Vitamin Pony: doesn’t see

me: who plays Little J

on Gossip Girl
8:05 PM
Thinking too much? What the hell are you doing on a reality tv show?

Vitamin Pony: allison with a beanie non looks like ann/egg/blan from arrested dev

me: Her?

Vitamin Pony: heh

ewwwwwwwwwwww feral tartlette just spat a gob of food off the bus

me: I’ve posed in Times Square before! http://www.flickr.com/photos/johubris/283857101/in/set-72157594365652720/
8:06 PM
Vitamin Pony: i look at natalie and i see shortland street actress

i miss heather

she has aspergers

speaking of, WHAT THE FUCK SHORTLAND STREET!?

me: did Gabrielle leave shorters?

Vitamin Pony: yes.
8:07 PM
gutted.

i loved her.

me: OH NOES

I loved her too

Vitamin Pony: i hope she comes back.

allison looks like she’s melting

a doll who was thrown into a boiling pot of water

me: London looks kind of like the “fashion blogger” that I fucking hate right now
8:08 PM
Vitamin Pony: seriousy – is that the kid from freaks and geeks in bones?

seriousLY. stupid keyboard.

me: i know man it’s so weird

he’s like, old and shit
8:09 PM
Vitamin Pony: i hate nathan rarere

i’m full of hate.

me: aww poor nathan

Vitamin Pony: i’m going to LOVE something before this adbreak is over

there you go

i love chocolate
8:11 PM
me: i do too

but I prefer dark to milk

Vitamin Pony: raacist

oh wow
8:12 PM
tyra loves herself so hard

me: THE RULES TO OWNING YOUR INNER FIERCENESS!

Oh Ty Ty!

Vitamin Pony: she looks like the hummer limo

but in blue

sexified nigel barker?

me: “Noted Sexified Fashion Photographer” ???

Vitamin Pony: tyra oooozes idiot
8:13 PM
me: I actually like Ty Ty’s outfit

Vitamin Pony: note the nervous laughter

me: I do love me a high skirt

and also plaid

because it is still 1993 right?

Vitamin Pony: yeah

sure

why not?

that’s an appalling photo

me: that’s a dreadful photo of Nijah and Kourtnie
8:14 PM
Vitamin Pony: FAUXMINA

me: oh my stars, they should not have put the shortest and tallest together

but the photo of Fo & Aminat is great

Vitamin Pony: that is a cool photo. fo looks like a badass.
8:15 PM
me: Aminat looks a bit like the girl who tried to make out with me on Saturday

Celia’s a bit too manly

Vitamin Pony: yet sandra looks like akon

me: She’s so ronery
8:16 PM
Vitamin Pony: celia looks like she’s trying to pick akon’s ose

nose

me: Celia looks like Brooke from SS in that shot

Natalie is so not a “model”

except catalogue

Vitamin Pony: DEKA

me: heehee
8:17 PM
so she’s going to have to move to Huntly

Ugh, London looks SO much like Gala

ugh

Vitamin Pony: london looks like madonna and nic cage’s lovechild

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa hungover olsen twin
8:18 PM
i don’t like london

missed

the

short

bus
8:20 PM
sooooooooooooo…. ad breaks eh..
8:21 PM
me: OMG SPARKLY VAMPIRE!

Vitamin Pony: i dunno if he’ll make it as an actor outside of twilight

me: why would he want to?
8:22 PM
Vitamin Pony: well he’s trying to act in other movies.

so i’m assuming he does.
8:23 PM
aminat looks like the “BITCH POURED BEER ON MY WEAVE!” girl

me: aww mean
8:24 PM
Tiffani was a crackwhore

Aminat is awesome

Vitamin Pony: they all look the same in these photos to me. how do they differentiate?

me: they just get drunk and point

Vitamin Pony: i would hate to have to spend time around tyra

me: and wait for the editors to match it all up in post

who’s going home?

I’m thinking Natalie

Vitamin Pony: i’d be fighting my natural instinct to smack her face in.
8:25 PM
me: Or perhaps Kourtnie

Vitamin Pony: yes, natalie is out

me: Yay Fo!
8:26 PM
Damn, Gala made it through

Vitamin Pony: nic cage made it

me: haha

DAMN

Vitamin Pony: whoa

me: why did Natalie get to stay?

Vitamin Pony: nijah is gone then

me: who’s out?

yeah, nijah

i totally forgot about er

her

Vitamin Pony: cuz alison will cut a bitch
8:27 PM
me: Nijah looked like Rudy from the Cosby Show

Vitamin Pony: alison looked like puss n boots when he’s doing his big eye stare

me: omg totally
8:28 PM
Vitamin Pony: meh, nijah. we barely knew ye

nor cared

nice nana shawl homegirl

thanks ken mok
8:29 PM
tyra wants to be on top

me: Thanks for liveblogging with me L

any final words?

Vitamin Pony: weak episode.
8:30 PM
weak.

me: Yeah it wasn’t great

Benny Ninja will bring it next week though, right?

Vitamin Pony: bring the gimp

me: Word.

And on that, peace out!
8:31 PM
Vitamin Pony: byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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