Live-blogging ANTM… again
So, Lisa and I did it again. Under the cut.
me: hey sugarplum
ARE YOU RREEEEEEEEEEEADY?
da dung da dung dung
Vitamin Pony: kia ora
i think we should live blog two and a half men instead
they should change his name to LOLlie sheen
cuz he brings the LOLs
the weather is turnning to poop before m very eyes
me: mmmm shitshowers!
Vitamin Pony: a down poooooo-ur
me: you’re disgusting
Vitamin Pony: thankks
loren is SO annoying
and her dad looks like michael hill jeweller
and i hate brooke
and i hate sophie
me: i hadn’t seen it like all week before tonight
i don’t think i have missed much
Vitamin Pony: nah same old story
let’s DO THIS
Vitamin Pony: but shorty is still on!
me: Wow, that covergirl mascara looks LUMPY
Vitamin Pony: i’m hoping morgan will come stumbling out of the bushes
me: I never noticed the shots of Ty Ty wearing a producer’s headpiece before
she’s SO involved
These opening credit photos ar seriously BAD
as is the pink plaid hummer
Vitamin Pony: ok i’m with you now…
me: how are reality show contestants going to get around now that Hummer’s gone out of business?
Vitamin Pony: i thought models were SUPPOSED to look like beautiful corpses?
the modeling industry is CONFUSING
me: Burns Girl has no confidence because her hair is TERRIBLE now
I wish I could rock a headscarf like a black girl
Vitamin Pony: mind your Ps and Qs?
penises and queens?
me: Oh, Natalie has previous modelling experience – she’s the rich one, right?
Vitamin Pony: yeah but she’s only 90210 rich
me: so Daddy bought her a contract?
Vitamin Pony: i enjoy alison
me: God Allison looked so much better dark
and not all Taylor Momemson-ish
Why’d they need a Little J with a Miss J and a Mr J anyway?
Vitamin Pony: jesuslover69 looks so much like young madonna
me: I love Miss J as Charmschool
She’s more Monique than Sharon Osbourne
Vitamin Pony: legs aint as hairy though
me: ugh, twinsuits and pearls and khakis
Vitamin Pony: ooh i want a cup of tea
me: why oh why?
Vitamin Pony: miss j looks like the original vivian banks
me: omg totally
I wonder if he can sing as well
Damn, Kourtnie got RACK
Tahlia looks like she’s limping
Vitamin Pony: hey jo
me: yeah L?
Vitamin Pony: miss j is a tall skinny man with no chin, big nose and … bisexual tendancies…
I’d hit that
Vitamin Pony: you’d be a fool not to
Vitamin Pony: aww look it’s fo
me: Miss J and Mr J, front and back?
Vitamin Pony: or as i call her faux kat
i hate bianca
me: Was Bianca the one with the granola bars?
Vitamin Pony: no that was bree
me: Was Bianca the one that got into a fight with Nicky Blonski?
Vitamin Pony: bianca was the one who told tootie that she was borderline plus size
yes that’s her.
me: You know everything!
Vitamin Pony: i know.
me: London don’t preach
OMG CARLTON DANCE
Vitamin Pony: ok, jesus street preacher looks like nicolas cage
that was a TERRIBLE carlton dance
me: YOU LOVE THE CARLTON DANCE!
I’m glad that they know of it though
Vitamin Pony: as a carlton dance aficionado, i call shenanigans.
tyra banks KNOWS carlton
remember when she was a serious actress?
me: Was Ty Ty ever on the fresh prince?
Vitamin Pony: yeah!!
she was will’s friend who worked at the university
i mostly just remember the very Special episode
Vitamin Pony: she was all tomboyish but FIERCE
me: when Will went out with Queen Latifah
even though she was a FATTY
and then never seen again
i wonder if he killed her
Vitamin Pony: like the one where ashley and carlton experimented with their sexualities
me: and buried her body in the basement
Vitamin Pony: sione’s wedding
my friend’s fiance is in that
there’s my fun commercial comment
me: all I can think about is ways to surprise children
and that’s not good
Vitamin Pony: lady gaga. DO NOT WANT
me: I like Lady Gaga
Do you think anyone will read this whole thing?
Vitamin Pony: nah
me: Perhaps we should sneak a secret codeword in
to test people
Vitamin Pony: say something scandalous
oh, I know
sometimes I buy NW even if there’s a weight issue on the cover
which I always swore I’d never do
shoosh, don’t tell though
Vitamin Pony: not buying tabloid magazines was my 2009 new years resolution
i haven’t bought once since 2008
me: you did well at it
Vitamin Pony: one, not once
me: I broke all my resolutions, except to try red lipstick
and I have yet to rollerskate this year
so I’m not doing very well
Vitamin Pony: just do it
me: And we’re back
she still looks dreadfu
Vitamin Pony: i don’t see the difference in her re-weave
me: half bald
Jill Stuart looks like Sally Field crossed with Jersey Shore
Vitamin Pony: walking with BAG
me: runway ettiquette!
this is going to go bad
I love how spooked Alison always looks
Vitamin Pony: ugh
anne shoket is the worst
me: worse than Paulina Poriskova?
Vitamin Pony: i have a soft spot for paulina
she was my cousins’ fav model in the 80s
me: Celia looks good on the runway, but a bit too zigzaggywalky
Vitamin Pony: plus she knows tom selleck
me: like Tracey on Shortland Street
Vitamin Pony: tracey from shorties knows tom selleck!??!?!
me: Oh, Miss J does not like Natalie, unlike Jill Stuart
Vitamin Pony: awesome
me: Tahlia’s hair is DREADFUL
I hate hair lighter than skin
unless it’s absolutly platinum
Vitamin Pony: nijah looks like. one of the earlier cycle girls…
me: haaha Miss J’s face at Nijah is AWESOME
Vitamin Pony: the one who they said got too fat at the end
and they had to airbrush out her stomach
nice see thru harem pants.
me: hah, that’s just what I was going to say!
Vitamin Pony: go fauxkat!
me: Fo-kat was good!
Vitamin Pony: do you think fauxkat knows davekat?
me: the dress for the FATTY was bad though
you shut up about Davekat
stay on topic
Vitamin Pony: I WONT
allison was cute and quirky
me: Those shoes are way too clumpy for delicate clothes like they’re wearing
Vitamin Pony: thats… a description…
MY walk was a little bit weak? well your FACE has a BEAK.. hahaha lols
me: Tahlia looks like, the white chick
Vitamin Pony: from white chicks
me: or whatever that Wayons brother movie was
Vitamin Pony: THEY JUST SAID PRETTY PRETTY PRETTY!
OMG SHOUT OUT
me: SHOUT OUTS!
Vitamin Pony: believe me natalie
…. no twirling
yet, they enforce twirling
MODELING IS CONFUSING
me: don’t bother your pretty head about it dear
Vitamin Pony: oh my god, like, oh my god.
me: how can tahlia’s roots be showing so bad already?
Vitamin Pony: ad break. cup of tea bruce?
maybe it’s fashion?
me: also, she’s obviously not going to get kicked off this week
since she said she should go home
your turn to tell a secret
to see if people are paying attention
Vitamin Pony: ok…
i know all the lyrics to “it’s gonna be me” by nsync
and i know why they’re called n’sync
Vitamin Pony: justiNNNNNN
lanceNNNNNNNNNNN (that one was like calling frida anifrida to make ABBA work)
me: i can’t believe I thought JC was going to be the breakout star
Vitamin Pony: like a PIMPLE
me: hehehe you are a funny
I’m glad we get the requisite shot of Tahlia’s scars to remind us she is a BURN VICTIM
Did you know that as models it is your job to tell a story?
The photographer is Mike Rosenthal? Do they mean Mike Rosengrave? (http://mlr.co.nz/)
Vitamin Pony: i just spilled soda stream on the kitchen floor
me: They look EXACTLY like wallstreet brokers
Vitamin Pony: unrelated but it ws upsetting
me: except for the part whhere they don’t even at all
I love Fo talking and making banter
Vitamin Pony: when i thiink wall street…i think “CUTE”
me: Oh, artists in So Ho
no fucking artists can afford to live in So Ho
they’re all in Brooklyn, fools
Vitamin Pony: kourtnie looks haggard
me: Don’t they watch Gossip Girl?
Vitamin Pony: i hate sandra
but i enjoy celia
me: I kind of want Celia’s petticoat though
Vitamin Pony: take it
just take it
upper east side.. like.. that chick….
in this show
me: omg Taylor looks even more like Little J
Vitamin Pony: what’s her name?
who is taylor?
who is little j?
Vitamin Pony: i’m confused
oh. oh i see.
me: Allison looks like Taylor Momsemsoms
Vitamin Pony: doesn’t see
me: who plays Little J
on Gossip Girl
Thinking too much? What the hell are you doing on a reality tv show?
Vitamin Pony: allison with a beanie non looks like ann/egg/blan from arrested dev
Vitamin Pony: heh
ewwwwwwwwwwww feral tartlette just spat a gob of food off the bus
me: I’ve posed in Times Square before! http://www.flickr.com/photos/johubris/283857101/in/set-72157594365652720/
Vitamin Pony: i look at natalie and i see shortland street actress
i miss heather
she has aspergers
speaking of, WHAT THE FUCK SHORTLAND STREET!?
me: did Gabrielle leave shorters?
Vitamin Pony: yes.
i loved her.
me: OH NOES
I loved her too
Vitamin Pony: i hope she comes back.
allison looks like she’s melting
a doll who was thrown into a boiling pot of water
me: London looks kind of like the “fashion blogger” that I fucking hate right now
Vitamin Pony: seriousy – is that the kid from freaks and geeks in bones?
seriousLY. stupid keyboard.
me: i know man it’s so weird
he’s like, old and shit
Vitamin Pony: i hate nathan rarere
i’m full of hate.
me: aww poor nathan
Vitamin Pony: i’m going to LOVE something before this adbreak is over
there you go
i love chocolate
me: i do too
but I prefer dark to milk
Vitamin Pony: raacist
tyra loves herself so hard
me: THE RULES TO OWNING YOUR INNER FIERCENESS!
Oh Ty Ty!
Vitamin Pony: she looks like the hummer limo
but in blue
sexified nigel barker?
me: “Noted Sexified Fashion Photographer” ???
Vitamin Pony: tyra oooozes idiot
me: I actually like Ty Ty’s outfit
Vitamin Pony: note the nervous laughter
me: I do love me a high skirt
and also plaid
because it is still 1993 right?
Vitamin Pony: yeah
that’s an appalling photo
me: that’s a dreadful photo of Nijah and Kourtnie
Vitamin Pony: FAUXMINA
me: oh my stars, they should not have put the shortest and tallest together
but the photo of Fo & Aminat is great
Vitamin Pony: that is a cool photo. fo looks like a badass.
me: Aminat looks a bit like the girl who tried to make out with me on Saturday
Celia’s a bit too manly
Vitamin Pony: yet sandra looks like akon
me: She’s so ronery
Vitamin Pony: celia looks like she’s trying to pick akon’s ose
me: Celia looks like Brooke from SS in that shot
Natalie is so not a “model”
Vitamin Pony: DEKA
so she’s going to have to move to Huntly
Ugh, London looks SO much like Gala
Vitamin Pony: london looks like madonna and nic cage’s lovechild
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa hungover olsen twin
i don’t like london
sooooooooooooo…. ad breaks eh..
me: OMG SPARKLY VAMPIRE!
Vitamin Pony: i dunno if he’ll make it as an actor outside of twilight
me: why would he want to?
Vitamin Pony: well he’s trying to act in other movies.
so i’m assuming he does.
aminat looks like the “BITCH POURED BEER ON MY WEAVE!” girl
me: aww mean
Tiffani was a crackwhore
Aminat is awesome
Vitamin Pony: they all look the same in these photos to me. how do they differentiate?
me: they just get drunk and point
Vitamin Pony: i would hate to have to spend time around tyra
me: and wait for the editors to match it all up in post
who’s going home?
I’m thinking Natalie
Vitamin Pony: i’d be fighting my natural instinct to smack her face in.
me: Or perhaps Kourtnie
Vitamin Pony: yes, natalie is out
me: Yay Fo!
Damn, Gala made it through
Vitamin Pony: nic cage made it
Vitamin Pony: whoa
me: why did Natalie get to stay?
Vitamin Pony: nijah is gone then
me: who’s out?
i totally forgot about er
Vitamin Pony: cuz alison will cut a bitch
me: Nijah looked like Rudy from the Cosby Show
Vitamin Pony: alison looked like puss n boots when he’s doing his big eye stare
me: omg totally
Vitamin Pony: meh, nijah. we barely knew ye
nice nana shawl homegirl
thanks ken mok
tyra wants to be on top
me: Thanks for liveblogging with me L
any final words?
Vitamin Pony: weak episode.
me: Yeah it wasn’t great
Benny Ninja will bring it next week though, right?
Vitamin Pony: bring the gimp
And on that, peace out!
Vitamin Pony: byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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