After the jump, Lisa and I get our complaining on. Spoiler alerts: we hate Tahlia and London. And Tyra. And your freedoms. And John Key.

Me: yay! ANTM liveblog!

And Lisa kicks things off by saying “shut up Cristobelle – or should I say CRUSTobelle”

and I LOL on the inside

and tell her it is Tyra herself who sings the themesong

but because Lisa is so smart she already knew that
8:24 PM
Mrs. Vedder: I know a lot of things.

Me: how angry were you at the way they made Celia eat crow last week?

like, fuck off Tyra

Mrs. Vedder: Oh my god… did you just see how much Celia looked like Jerry BLank then???
8:25 PM
Me: hahahah I love Jerri Blank!

Oh wow, a bunch of girls living together are getting in a fight over dishes

who saw that plot twist coming?

“I’m sorry i live in a nice community and you don’t” – OUCH

I’m sorry I’m a nice person and you’re not, Natalie
8:26 PM
Does she think that poor people don’t wash dishes?

Mrs. Vedder: Natalie may be arrogant, but Aminat is INCREDIBLY irritating

Me: Tomorrow you will be moulded into a fine piece of Clay

Mrs. Vedder: I only actually like Alison and Fo
8:27 PM
Me: if these girls were literate, they’d spot the capital letter

Mrs. Vedder: The rest can eat a bag of dicks.

Me: Fo’sure

Mrs. Vedder: They’re doing some acting thing with Paulina

Me: If they’d seen the trailers, they’d know Clay Aiken was coming along

who is pretty much the worst actor ever

Mrs. Vedder: She’s qualified because she was in the Alibi with Tom Selleck.

So…

Me: based on his years of pretending he wasn’t gay

Mrs. Vedder: Ya know…
8:28 PM
Me: That’s not bossy, that’s angry

“my body is coming into yours”

heh heh heh, isn”t that Nigel’s line?

Mrs. Vedder: These girls don’t understand… uh.. English I think?
8:29 PM
Me: they really really don’t

Mrs. Vedder: If I was Paulina I would be callin’ Tom Selleck and getting his sexy ass in here to help.

He’s way more current and hip than Clay Aiken

Me: he’s busy with Monica

having sex in her parents’ shower
8:30 PM
Mrs. Vedder: Did you not see the final..uh.. 8 seasons of Friends?

Me: they’re doing it again

Mrs. Vedder: Monica married a chandelier from a hotel or something

Me: once is not enough with the Selleckanator

“I come from a family of ‘actors’” says London

Mrs. Vedder: London comes from a long line of actors… like Nic Cage?

Me: with a really weird emphasis on “actors”

Mrs. Vedder: Seriously. Blonde doppelganger.
8:31 PM
Me: that’s really creepy

I wish they were going to be making out with John Barrowman for their challenge

Mrs. Vedder: LISTEN

LIIIIISTEEEEN

Me: they’re going to be “doing it” with someone who’s sold BILLIONS of records
8:32 PM
Mrs. Vedder: OH GOD I HATE CAY AIKEN

Me: CLOSE PERSONAL FRIEND OF TYRA’S

Mrs. Vedder: CAY GAY GLAY whatever his name is

Honey you haven’t worked since… Scrubs?

Apparently Clay Aiken is gay.

Me: Oh, if you snap your fingers, that’s how you make something “snappy”
8:33 PM
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?

I love Fo

Burnsy girl just did the worst “talk to the hand” EVER

Celia is so over the top, it’s fantastic
8:34 PM
I like Celia

Mrs. Vedder: The acting is Shortland Street quality

Me: that’s some high praise there Miss Fur

Mrs. Vedder: Uh oh, Celia was super confident that she’d win the acting challenge but London won

Me: London wins the challenge

I died inside a little

Mrs. Vedder: How will Celia try to jeopardize her chances?

Me: Natalie’s like OMG I LOVE JOE’S JEANS
8:35 PM
Mrs. Vedder: Tyra, I feel I have to say something…

Me: but she’s so rich, why does she care?

Mrs. Vedder: London… was saying.. that. she. hates… black people.. so…

ELIMINATE HER

Me: London is apparently struggling with her weight. Which she thinks will affect her chances at modeling. Who knew?

The girls freak out cos they think they’re shooting with men
8:36 PM
Mrs. Vedder: I don’t like McKie

Me: Oh, it’s Mckey

she’s like, working

woah!

They’re doing their VERY FIRST COMMERCIAL

Mrs. Vedder: New dream matte mousse from easy, breezy, fleasy, wheezey, peesy..

Me: Wow, McKey sounds astonishingly wooden telling them about how the covergirl won’t clog their pores
8:37 PM
They’re split into groups

with the whitey white girls with the black girls

Allison is worried about doing well
8:38 PM
Mrs. Vedder: Natalie just called them hicks. SHe was clearly joking. But cmon. CMON. If people hate your ass for being stuck up, why provoke them? It’s like this is reality tv or something

Me: Is that Brandon Flowers directing the video?

Mrs. Vedder: Celia is even good at acting

But Alison .. not so much

Me: Allison is like, tagging along

like Little J
8:39 PM
Man, Aminat was so much better with her afro
8:40 PM
Burnsy Girl asks Mckey for advice on bringing herself out

Mrs. Vedder: She’d be better with my foot in her ass

Me: McKey says basically nothing

Allison is DREADFUL

and the woman from Covergirl looks like SJP

not a good lookk

Mrs. Vedder: Alison needs to narrow her eyes in her next photoshoot

and keep her damn mouth closed
8:41 PM
Me: Yum, their food looks good

Mrs. Vedder: she’s cute, but the big eyed, big toothy look is wearing thin

Me: I wish we had catering all the time, Lisa

We should get a sponsor or something

or try out for Top Model

Mrs. Vedder: Alison just said she needs to learn how to manipulate her face in photos.

It’s like she’s reading this.

OMG SHE’S A HACKER!!!!
8:42 PM
Me: her password is “XOXO GOSSIP GIRL”

Let’s hope Fo does well

cos she is the best
8:43 PM
Burnsygirl sucks

Tahlia

Oooh, did Fo just feel up Natalie? that’d be one way to make me care about Natalie

Mrs. Vedder: True Blend Mike.
8:44 PM
Me: I

I’m going to come down and beat YOU with a stick, Mr J

Mrs. Vedder: London is too confident.

Me: Ugh, London makes me nauseous

Mrs. Vedder: I’m a NZer. I dont like confidence.

Me: KILL THE TALL POPPIES

Mrs. Vedder: Talllllll poooopppppppppppppies…
8:45 PM
Plus she slouches like .. NIC CAGE

Me: Plus, she reminds me of someone I don’t like

but I can’t think of who

Mrs. Vedder: omg, have we seen them in the same room at the same time.

Monty Burns sucks anus.

Me: What the hell is Tahlia wearing? she looks like she’s in the european section of the ezibuy catelgoue
8:46 PM
Wow, really comfortable shuffling order of girls

Mrs. Vedder: Uh oh

this is the week that Tahlia decides she doesn’t wanna be a model again

Because she’s oozing suck

SO Celia is gonna hafta nark again

and then Nigel and Tyra are going to be all disappointed Deans of the 6th FOrm again

Me: she won’t nark agaqin though
8:47 PM
Allison should NOT sit like a tiny child

Mrs. Vedder: I hate the episodes without a photoshoot.
8:48 PM
Me: Ugh, London is wearing a horizontal headband again

like she’s Mischa Barton or Nicole Ritchie

Mrs. Vedder: it amazes me that someone as horrendous as renee zellweger can play someone as delightful as bridget jones (ad for the movie..)

Me: Clay’s a guest judge. Awesome

Celia definitely has the best style

but her hair up in the ad is not good
8:49 PM
Woah, Miss Jay has the biggest bow in the entire world

Mrs. Vedder: Clay Aiken has some amazing eyebrows.

Me: Tyra doesnt like Celia

so she has to criticise her

fuck you Tyra

Tiyona really doesn’t do it for me in the flesh

but her photos are niec

nice
8:50 PM
Allison is terrified in the background of Tiyonna’s ad

Oh, Allison’s not allowed to wear the same dress again.

GROUND HOG DAY

Mrs. Vedder: maaaaaaaaan… those nz’s next top models would SUFFER

they wore the same shitty max tops every week

Me: The NZ models had all Max clothes

ha
8:51 PM
Tiyonna and Allison are trading clothes

Mrs. Vedder: I bet ALison’s clothes smell like cats.

Me: hahahahahahaha

total crazy cat lady
8:52 PM
AMinat is talking like she’s selling micromachines

not microminerals

hehehe

I made a funny

Tyra is trying to criticise Aminat’s pronunciation

Mrs. Vedder: London’s pants are awful

Me: and says “as a sing-gur”

Mrs. Vedder: They make her vagina look huge

Me: nice work Tyra
8:53 PM
Mrs. Vedder: Shut up London. PAPA DON’T PREACH. B ut London does. About Jesus.

Hey they told her off for slouching

Me: Hah, London’s in shock at her criticism

Mrs. Vedder: It’s like THEY’RE HACKING MY GMAIL AS WELL

AND PAULINA JUST COMMENTED ON THE BIG VAGINA SHORTS

GET OUT OF MY GMAIL BITCHES

Me: All Paulina can say is “don’t wear those shorts, they’re not becoming”
8:54 PM
Oh, that’s right, London reminds me of that dumbass “fashion” blogger

that’s why I hate her
8:55 PM
Mrs. Vedder: Fo is awesome… but she is spitting out her words.

Me: they TOTALLY write the scripts to trip them up though

Mrs. Vedder: She brings it together at the end though

Me: I mean, if we actually had covergirl ads here, we’d know they’re much clearer language

Mrs. Vedder: We do.

Drew Barrymore is in them

Creeping me out

Me: oh reals? I love Drew Barrymore
8:56 PM
Mrs. Vedder: Tahlia hs a lazy eye

Me: I wish she was my BFF

You’re obsessed with Lazy Eyes

you’re like, a trainer on The Biggest Lazy Eye or something

Tahlia looks like Vanessa Williams in ugly betty

except uglier
8:57 PM
Mrs. Vedder: Miss J’s hair and boytie makes his vagina look big too

Me: Whatthefuck is tyra smoking?

Mrs. Vedder: Tyra … crack is whack man. crack is whack
8:58 PM
Tiana looks like an alien

Me: Tyra HATES Celia. When people praise her, she’s all “_I_ never read one teleprompter in my five year contract”

Mrs. Vedder: Paulina just dissed Nigel
8:59 PM
Why does Clay Aiken feel he is qualified to critique acting?

Me: Ha, I like that Clay is arguing with Tyra though

Mrs. Vedder: Didn’t he creep out a nation with his eye winking to camera?

Me: that was Michael Murphy

Mrs. Vedder: No it was Clay Aiken

Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
9:00 PM
Mrs. Vedder: Big Vagina Shorts

Me: Clay just said “[Tahlia] WILL NOT COME OUT (of her shell)”

Mrs. Vedder: BVS

Me: Takes one to know one

Paulina’s fringe looks greasy

like mine always does

Mrs. Vedder: Hey, she should try Batise dry shampoo

Available in a range of fragrances.

I have tropical!

Delicious.
9:01 PM
I hate London

She looks like a big vaginaed fuckhole

Ohhh Celia gets first photo/screen shot

Me: Ha, I love that Tyra didn’t want to give it to Celia but everyone else sucked

Mrs. Vedder: Tht must have stung Tyra’s BBQ hole
9:02 PM
Me: Tiyonna does look cute in Allison’s dress

Yay Fo made it through!

Who’s going home? Tahlia?

Mrs. Vedder: WATCH OUT!

Me: Or Allison

?

Mrs. Vedder: BIG VAGINA SHORTS COMING

Me: It must be time for Burnsy to fuck off

Mrs. Vedder: If they boot Alison over Monty Burns I’ll scream
9:03 PM
For realsies

Me: I think Aminat freaks me out a bit cos she reminds me of that Crazy Girl from last yeaar

that I was fucking around with

Down to Allison and Burnsy

I reckon it’s Burnsy going
9:04 PM
Mrs. Vedder: Tahlia has a face like a dropped pie

Me: cos she is so blaaaaaaaaaaah

her pic last week was great

but maybe I just loved the purple lipstick

Mrs. Vedder: Just as well Alison got to stay

Me: YAY! Burnsy is gone

Mrs. Vedder: Or I’d have screamed

I guess Americas Next Top Model won’t be a billionaire power plant owner.
9:05 PM
That’s a shame.

Me: Hehehe

Mr Burns would be a good model

Mrs. Vedder: Celia must feel vindicated.

Me: strong eyes

skinny

personality

etc

Mrs. Vedder: But I bet Kourtnie is at home, throwing powdered drink mix at the tv.

Me: hahaha

I can[‘t even remember what Kourtnie looked like

Mrs. Vedder: She looked like AWESOME
9:06 PM
Me: so few ANTM people stand out in my mind anymore

only Kim the lesbian

and Crazy Diaper Lisa

Mrs. Vedder: Remember Lisa, the one that .yes…

precisely..

Remember RUBY?

FROM NZNTM?

Me: oh yes

I love Ruby

Mrs. Vedder: RUBY RUBY RUBY RUBY!

Ahhhh ahhh ahh ahh ahh ahhh

Me: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaah

So how do we rate that episode?

Mrs. Vedder: We rate that…

Baby

Baby
9:07 PM
LEMON

Baby

Baby

PIRATE!?

It’s a wild card!

Me: Thanks for reading, guys

Mrs. Vedder: that i’m thinking of another tv show doesn’t bode well for ANT

m

bye ppp.com people

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