At Pretty Pretty Pretty, we’re pretty keen on reviewing anything we get sent to us, so I was pretty intrigued when I got an email from a PR rep for Lelo, offering me a Smart Wand™. Yeah that’s right, Lelo IS the expensive brand of sex toys. So why would they approach a beauty site? Let’s quote them:

“I thought it would be a great fit for helping LELO get the word out on our new Smart Wand™ all-over body massagers. We’d love the opportunity to collaborate with you on this, especially given PPP’s commitment to beauty and wellness, and since you’ve featured similar products that keep your readers informed of the latest health and beauty trends. Smart Wands would be a great addition to any beauty conscious women’s daily routine, since it keeps them healthy, relaxed, and refreshed!”

I know I look my prettiest when I’m smiling, so I replied yes straight away. After the jump, oh yes, we go there.

In consultation with a special friend, I chose a black one (it’s also available in plum and white). Shipping to New Zealand was incredibly quick, with a dispatch email keeping me informed. FedEx here in New Zealand was much more of a pain though, because they don’t deliver on Saturdays and they make you pay for redelivery to a new address, but eventually my package made its way to me and I unwrapped a beautiful white box.

I had a couple of minutes of OH MY GOD NOOOOOO thinking I would have to buy a transformer, but as it turns out the power supply is 110v/240v, which means it WILL run in NZ, but you’ll need a US plug adaptor, available pretty much anywhere for about $10. So I got myself powered up, and then turned it on.

The first thing you’ll notice about the Smart Wand is it’s about the length of your arm, no kidding. Don’t freak out! It’s not designed for internal use, okay? The Smart Wand™ is billed as a body massager, first and foremost, as this picture will demonstrate. That’s right, you can use it on your back, your neck, your wrists – wherever you’re sore. And it works. I don’t think it’s as good as a lengthy massage by an expert, but it definitely will help ease your aches and pains. Just don’t use it in conjunction with antiflamme or anything like that because you shouldn’t get alcohol on it. It’s made from medicinal grade silicone which is good news for those who care about what they’re putting near their bodies, but that also means you have to be a little smart about what you use with it. Wash it with warm water (it’s waterproof) not harsh soaps or alcohol-based products, and if you’re going to be using it with a number of casual
partners, you might want to put a condom on it.

Because yes, let’s face it, if you’re spending $300 on a “massager”, you’re gonna wanna use it on more than just your neck and back. What I loved about using it on myself was how long the handle is, which makes it so much more ergonomic to use. That handle was also very handy when using it on someone else as well, it makes all the angles more easy to reach. And the different pulse settings were lots of fun as well. And you can turn this thing up like the bejesus – it can become super super intense, and makes very light work of bringing a smile to anyone’s face, especially as

it adjusts to how hard you’re pressing with it to pulse even harder. Oh holy shit does this thing get the job done. Oh my stars. I’m not the kind who’s usually lost for words, but the Smart Wand can render me speechless for a good number of minutes. Plus the thing is just pure joy to look at and hold. I recommend combining it with a white labcoat and clipboard and doing some scientific roleplay.

It’s expensive, yes, but sex toys are not something that should be compromised on, especially when they can actually be used for massage. It also comes with a year long warranty and a ten year guarantee AND a pretty little infinity loop broach, (the 24k gold buttplugs come with cufflinks) so that you can wear it and others who also have a Lelo can smile discreetly at you and know you are very very satisfied.