“Science” of heels July 17, 2008
I say “science” because I’m not entirely convinced of the validity of the underlying variables in this equation. But here’s the “science” anyway…
I found this formula on Eurekalert to calculate the appropriate height of high heels for the individual wearer.
Apparently, I can only handle a piddly 2.3cm. Which is probably close to the truth, but I’m still gonna keep teetering in my 10cm wedges anywho.
h = Q•(12+3s /8)
h is the maximum height of the heel (in cm)
Q is a sociological factor and has a value between 0 and 1 (see below to work this out)
S is the shoe size (UK ladies sizes). This factor makes sure that the base of support is just good enough for an experienced and sober, high-heel wearer not to fall over.‘Q’ is defined as follows:
p•(y+9)•L
Q = ———————————-
(t+1)•(A+1)•(y+10)•(L+£20)The variables are:
p – the probability that wearing the shoes will help you ‘pull’ (in a range from 0 to 1, where 1 is pwhooar and 0 is stick to carpet slippers). If the shoes are a turn-off, there’s no point wearing them.
y – the number of years experience you have in wearing high heels. As you become more adept, you can wear a higher heel. Beginners should take it easy.
L – the cost of the shoes, in pounds. Clearly, if the shoe is particularly expensive, you can put up with a higher heel.
t – the time since the shoe was the height of fashion, in months (0 = it’s the ‘in thing’ right now!). One has to suffer for one’s art, and if the shoes are terribly fashionable, you should be prepared to put up with a little pain.
A – units of alcohol consumed. If you’re planning on drinking, be careful to give yourself a little leeway for reduced coordination.
OK so my first problem with the formula is: isn’t cost relative to the individual? I’m never gonna pay a ludicrous amount for shoes, but I would still bare a bit more pain for slightly pricey, or even second hand shoes that were pricey for second hand.
And what about nostalgia? I have some good ol’ shoes that I wear because I’ve had some fun adventures in them, even if they are painful.
I also don’t like the condescending tone of the article: “Although at first glance our formula looks scary”. Do they think people who are interested in high heels are gonna be scared of a little mathemagic? Bring it on professor!
